When is it time to give up? Help with the fight!

Picture drawn by Zach McNutt from his caring bridge pageFirst a very short Anita update; Anita is doing great!! She is 8 months post transplant and while her treatment wasn’t easy, we are fortunate to be where we are now in terms of her health.

Anita just had a clear PCR test result come in today – this was most welcome news. The test result means that there is no detectable trace of cancer in Anita’s blood right now.

You are never quite out of the woods with leukemia – it can always come back but a negative PCR test means that you are probably in a very high state of remission.

This post is going to wander a bit from the specific topic of APL. That’s OK though because there are many aspects of APL that are similar to any life threatening disease.

From time to time I am going to grab posts from the LLS forums that may be of interest to the APL community. There is a tremendous amount of helpful information on the LLS discussion forums, but like any busy forum, only the most current stuff is readily visible and older posts just get buried and lost over time.

So here we go – I am going to spotlight a lengthy thread about my hero “Zach Man” Zach is a 25 yr old guy that is seriously fighting for his life right now. He is fighting a very aggressive form of AML that isn’t giving an inch of slack or respite. Throughout the early part of the post, Zach is rolling with the punches, dealing with his treatments as well as can be expected. Pay special attention to his post on 03-13-2008 04:19 PM though. Zach is 25 yrs old and seems ready to give up the fight and “head home.”

Please read Zach’s post and I want you to think about what it would be like to have a brother, spouse, or any loved one in his position. It happened to me – it could happen to you too.

I want to stress that I deeply respect any decision Zach might make in terms of giving up the fight or carrying on…

So here’s the post… (note that I’m pasting only part of the post here ). Zach’s CaringBridge page is here too: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/zachmc

Author Topic: Relapse at day +60
ZachMan
Member
posted 03-07-2008 08:59 AM


Well my disease is just doing weird stuff, my bone marrow envolvement has gotten worse and super fast, but not any real lymph node sweelings or tumors. Hmmm I dunno…. What good is once dose of steroids and my WBC went from a crazy 74.5 to 0.32 in one dose!
So I find out what my bone marrow looked liked the other day today. I also have 2-3 days left in the hospital then hopefully go to the condo for 5-6 days and then same protocol I am having now, but maybe outpatiant.
They may add on the 2nd part of HYPER-CVAD which has had good results with this trail and if so I will want to go home to Birmingham for that just to help me menatally. If something pops up though right back to MDA of course.

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mlpastorello
Member
posted 03-07-2008 10:30 AM


I follow your posts and I want to tell you that you are so amazingly brave. You are stronger than this disease so you will beat it. I hope you get the “mental” break you deserve.

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ZachMan
Member
posted 03-07-2008 03:14 PM


Here is my caringbridge page if anyone missed it:
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/zachmc
[This message has been edited by ZachMan (edited 03-07-2008).]

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ZachMan
Member
posted 03-10-2008 04:29 PM


Well back at the condo, been eating alot since the steriods I was/am on haha.

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leawedge
Member
posted 03-10-2008 10:21 PM


Zach-
Keep eating as much as you can- what are the things that are tasting good? Or is everything tasting good???
I am happy you are at least back at the condo. STAY STRONG- you are a warrior.
Lea

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ZachMan
Member
posted 03-12-2008 01:33 AM


Everything tastes good haha, pizza, pancakes, cheese, soup, etc.
I forgot the name of this last protocol I was on, but it wasn’t too bad, I get another round of it the 19th-24th, except outpatiant this next time. We’re just keeping my counts as low as possible….its getting old being transfused 2-3x a week though sigh….

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Jeri
Member
posted 03-12-2008 07:07 AM


Zach,
Glad you’re back at the condo and eating well. Keeps the strength up! Enjoy it! I’ve learned you take small pleasures where and when you can. Hugs – Jeri

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potterp
Member
posted 03-12-2008 07:35 PM


Hey Zach,
I know it is hard going in all the time for transfusions but isn’t it great to be out of the hospital. Just reading your posting makes me hungry. Glad the food taste good.
Paul

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courtneyssister
Member
posted 03-12-2008 09:26 PM


Zach,
So glad to hear that you are back in the condo! And enjoy the pizza, pancakes, and everything else that sounds good (I know I am definitely craving pizza after your post!).
All the best.

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cgrobin
Member
posted 03-13-2008 01:11 AM


Glad to hear you’re eating. Don’t forget you need extra protein to rebuild the damage from chemo, so put extra pepperoni on the pizza. ;-)
I found eggs were a good easy way to get protein.
Just make sure you cook everything hot and if you like pepper, add it during the cooking not after.

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Tex
Member
posted 03-13-2008 12:57 PM


Zach, you do so well with the changes. I’m glad you’re doing well (enough) I’ve been thinking a lot about you while I was gone.
Blessings

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ZachMan
Member
posted 03-13-2008 04:19 PM


Thanks everyone, yeah I just take the hits in stride, but it sucks being the guy at MDA in a room of 50 patiants and they all listening to you about what all has gone wrong and everyone feels bad for you.
I mean I have no clue whats going on with me, I am on something new every month and right now the plain is to just keep my counts zero and get another round of whatever it is I had (see I am getting lost I’ve had so much chemo, lol)
I tol Dr. T I was getting tired and really needed to go home soon, not sure if a few days will do it either. I like being alive, but these consistant struggles everyday to get nowhere is getting old. One week zero blast, next week 80% blast, etc..I keep fighting cause my stuff is so so sensitive still to chemo, but man its aggressive and the 18+ rounds of chemo in 1.5 years is taking its toll.

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mlpastorello
Member
posted 03-13-2008 04:49 PM


Please don’t ever give up Zach. You are too young and you can beat this. Just always remember you are stronger. My sis was told by her nurse to freeze her Ensure shakes and that might make it seem more like a treat. It is kind of funny though – my sis said after being the patient now (she is a clinical nutritionist specializing in oncology) she wishes she could go back and take every lecture she has ever given. You never know until you are in the bed. She now would go back and tell them, “I will be happy with any calories you can put in and however you want to get em”

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mlpastorello
Member
posted 03-13-2008 04:52 PM


Sorry cgrobin – obviously following the neutropenic diet! Do you guys also have to throw away unopened food after 48 hours? Getting fatter on my sis’s leftover Little Debbies

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chrisgru
Member
posted 03-14-2008 01:57 AM


Zach,
Your life is precious and there are many that have no choice about when to stop fighting for survival. You still have a choice and a chance to live.
The medical literature is full of stories about patients that have survived all types of terrible health challenges. You could certainly be one of them. Grab one of your Dr’s and ask them – “Could this turn around?” Don’t ask how likely – just ask them if it is possible. I know what they will say – hang on to their answer and run with it.
Also, its great to see all the support from the community here on this board for you. At the same time, I hope you are getting excellent and forceful support from your family and loved ones.
I would like to hear more about how your loved ones are supporting you.
Things are rough for you now, maybe even terrible at times. I think the hardest thing is just no relief for you – for such a long time. Handling tough events is one thing, but when troubles drag on for so long that’s another matter.
I admire anyone that has fought as hard as you have already. In my eyes, you are a special and powerful person. Guys like you are the real super-heroes – not “pretend” heroes.
Despite all this hardship, your health could still improve. You are young and a lot of smart people are fighting along side you to help you get better.
I have seen what leukemia can do. I have gone through some very difficult times with Anita. Pale, terrible mouth sores, so weak she cannot walk, seemingly endless fevers – I think many of us here know too much about this stuff already.
Anita won’t ever be fully out of the woods either – but then who will? The answer is simple – no one. We all live without any certainty about what tomorrow will bring.
There are moments though where living pays big. For example, last weekend, Anita and I traveled to the desert near San Diego. We saw an incredible bloom of wildflowers that literally carpeted the desert sands around us for thousands of feet in every direction.
The sweet smell of the flowers was incredible. The Wildflower experience somehow seemed to balance some of the hardship we have been through this last year – even though it was such a brief thing.
Wildflower moments of all kinds could be in your future.
Its difficult to close this post. I’ll add one more thing. I want you to challenge your loved ones to entertain and encourage you. Have them bring movies that you want to watch – and watch them with you. Bring pictures from the past – and look at them with you. I want you to ASK for your loved ones to help you get through this. It almost sounds stupid and sort of impossible – but you have to find a few ways to have a little fun as you muck through this leukemia crap.
So many people asked if they could help Anita during her treatments. My usual thing was “Oh no – we’re fine etc.” I didn’t want to put anyone to any extra trouble. Slowly, in more recent times, I have become a little smarter about this.
People want to help and many actually consider it a great honor to help someone fighting for their life.
I’m pulling for your Zach – please keep fighting!
Chris
www.aplblog.org [This message has been edited by chrisgru (edited 03-14-2008).]
[This message has been edited by chrisgru (edited 03-14-2008).]

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Tex
Member
posted 03-14-2008 01:07 PM


Hey Zach,
Just think of all the people in the future you’re helping by being the Guinea Pig for them to figure this stuff out.
I know it’s got to be a pain. I still have moments where I’m just sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I had a smooth SCT experience. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in your skin right now.
But the good thing is that, while you’re not necessarily making any headway, you’re not losing any ground at this point either. That in itself is remarkable.
You are a remarkable guy. Your strength is an inspiration to many. Just remember that when it gets to be too much. You are bigger than this disease.
Blessings

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LadyLouise
Member
posted 03-14-2008 01:25 PM


Hello to all on Zach’s team! Go, Zach, Go! I’m just back from a trip so had to get caught up here. I have such a mix of disappointment and hope but I will never give up on you Zach. Your strength and courage is such an inspiration.
Chris, what a lovely post you put on here. I am hoping for many wildflower days in the future for Zach too. I can’t wait for the day he gets to go back to Alabama for a break.
God bless you all through your journeys.

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KyGuy
Member
posted 03-14-2008 02:37 PM


Zach,
Hang in there buddy. You can still fight through this. I’m sure it can get frustrating when your days are filled with nothing but treatments, docs, nurses, etc. but keep your mind focused on the fight – big picture thing.
I remember my sister saying that she felt bad because she kept encouraging me to fight and since she wasn’t in the bed, she really didn’t understand what is was like for me. I told her that when no one was there physically, I always felt that someone was with me in the room in spirit and I counted on that. So when you’re alone, count on us being “with you”.
Kelly

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courtneyssister
Member
posted 03-14-2008 06:54 PM


Hi, Zach.
I know I can’t understand what you are going through– but I do know that you are fighting an amazing battle and are young and strong. And we are all here supporting you and praying for strength and healing. Just know that while we aren’t in H-town with you (I’m a displaced Texan) we are there in spirit cheering you on.
Best.

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cgrobin
Member
posted 03-14-2008 07:22 PM


quote:


Originally posted by mlpastorello:
Sorry cgrobin – obviously following the neutropenic diet! Do you guys also have to throw away unopened food after 48 hours? Getting fatter on my sis’s leftover Little Debbies


I believe I was told three days. So often I’d keep eating the same thing to try to finish it in 3 days.
If you have too much of something, take off portions that first night and freeze them. Then when you don’t feel like cooking you have things ready to eat.

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Wattle
Member
posted 03-14-2008 08:12 PM


I’m on W&W until it either “blasts off” or goes away, so I don’t watch this forum much, but I’m on your team Zach for what it’s worth! and anyone else who needs an ear or someone to lean on. If mine goes wild it will be a T-cell thing too, so I have a special interest! (((hugs))), Yvonne

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How can you help Zach?

I encourage you to wish him well, but the unfortunate fact is that we can’t do much for Zach. The good news is that he is being treated by one of the best cancer treatment centers in the world – MD Anderson in Houston TX.

Cancer can’t always be successfully treated for individuals, but through collective effort we can make progress, slowly moving toward better treatments and more successful outcomes that will give individual patients a better chance of survival in the years to come.

Please take the time to learn more about cancer and how you can make a difference. There are many great resources to reach out to.

Here are a few for you to consider:

There are countless ways we can all help.

Remember when you support health related causes you are really giving to the entire world. Improvements in cancer treatments eventually reach many areas of the world, indeed reaching some areas better than others (yet another problem).

Chris

Anita update, day +4, White cell count coming down fast-

PeaceAnita’s white cell count has been decreasing quickly over the past few days. It dipped below 500 today and will likely be close to zero within a few days.

It is completely expected to see Anita’s white count dropping now. She finished her chemotherapy about a week ago so the drop in her counts is essentially right on schedule.

Her counts should start rising within a week or so as her re-infused stem cells get back to work re-creating Anita’s immune system.

Lots of scary “potential stuff” comes along with low blood counts. Dr’s refer to low white blood cell counts as neutropenia.

I have been spending weekdays at City of Hope then coming down to San Diego on the weekends. The end of the weekend is nearing now, so I am leaving in a few minutes for the City of Hope (about a 2.5 hour drive).

Hopefully Anita won’t develop any infections while her white count is bottomed out. This week will be a little bit dangerous for her but at the same time her Dr’s are well prepared for any troublesome bugs that might try to take hold.

Right now, Anita is very tired and doesn’t leave her room each day. Her spirits are good and despite all the discomfort and pain she just refuses to complain about much of anything.
One of Anita’s Dr’s told me a while ago that her counts would probably recover faster after this transplant than they did five years ago after she underwent traditional chemotherapy.

Immune system stem cells are amazing – those little cells that were re-infused back into Anita after her strong chemo are basically “seeds” that will grow back into a re-formed immune system for Anita. You can think of the marrow, which is especially found in the long and large bones of the body as the “soil” that the stem cell seeds will grow from.

What puts the “stem” in Stem Cell?

Blood system stem cells are pluripotent which means that as they grow and divide the cells that they produce can grow up into all the types of cells that make up everything in your blood.

Think of a flower, it starts with a stem then rises from there to leaves, flowers, and whatever else – same idea.

** Please join with me in fighting APL and other cancers. Ways you can help:
- Remember Cancer related charities as part of your charitable giving.
- Pray for Anita and all other people suffering from life threatening disease.

- Donate Blood and register as a potential bone marrow donor. Every time you donate blood it saves a life – I have seen the impact of life saving donated blood coursing into Anita many times.

** Lastly, please check out a few of these videos from the City of Hope website,

Walk of Hope

and,

A few Patient Stories from City of Hope

especially check out: The Marshall Cotta Story and “Meeting my Lifesaver” from the above link.

Day 13, Arsenic treatment as an outpatient? Preparing for stem cell transplant…

Anita and friendAnita is feeling pretty well today and her white blood cell count has improved slightly. She may be able to leave the hospital early this week, allowing her to continue her treatment as an outpatient.

She is walking several times per day around the hospital, usually for 30 minutes or more each time. I am always amazed that I don’t see more patients trying to walk in the hospital – keeping active seems to help Anita’s spirits and it just isn’t good to spend too much time in bed.

If you know someone in the hospital that is able to walk, and you would like to help them, try to encourage them to walk – and take the time to walk with them.

Anita continues to tolerate her arsenic treatment well. I am thankful that she has had minimal side effects so far. The only complaint so far is that it is difficult for her system to clear all the fluids they infuse into her each day, she has gained a small amount of water weight as a result. This is really more of an annoyance than any sort of problem and it is a common side effect for Arsenic and heavy IV based therapy in general.

* Anita’s arsenic treatment, a few thoughts

One point on the arsenic and the rest of Anita’s infused therapy – we have found it helpful to ask the hospital to try and give her medications at roughly the same time each day. This seems like a minor thing but setting up a routine at least help create an environment that you can work to get used to.

The “regular times” issue has come up mainly with Potassium infusions. Ideally she receives one Potassium infusion in the morning then another in the mid afternoon before her Arsenic. A few times, the morning Potassium dose was delivered late, forcing her to receive two Potassium doses just before the Arsenic – all in one continuous and large infusion.

Basically it is hard on Anita to have so much fluid pushed through her system in such a short time. When the infusions are bunched up all together at the same time, she seems to feel worse and take on water weight more quickly.

I plan to describe the routine for Anita’s outpatient arsenic treatment in a future article. Anita’s arsenic regimen is standard for APL, but I think anyone that is due to receive arsenic will appreciate at least one patient’s detailed accounting of what it is like to receive this unusual drug.

* Anita’s upcoming stem cell transplant

Some my earlier posts talk about the stem cell transplant that Anita is to receive after her Arsenic treatment is complete. She will be receiving her transplant at the City of Hope in Duarte, California, which is about 140 miles away from our home. It isn’t uncommon to have to travel for a stem cell transplant – there are a limited number of large treatment centers for marrow transplantation and the City of Hope is the 3rd largest transplant facility in the world.

Anita has 8 siblings and I expect several of them to be tested this week for donation compatibility with Anita. My understanding is that each sibling has approximately a 25% of being a perfect match for Anita. There are a few factors in play that could change this, but I believe the current plan is for Anita to have an Autologous transplant. The sibling tests which would be used if an Allogenic transplant is needed, are hopefully just part of a backup plan at this point, in case an Autologous transplant turns out to not be the best course for Anita.

Transplants are by no means routine or very safe, but they offer a second chance at life for many.

Here are a few stem cell transplant links from the City of Hope website,

History of Stem Cell Transplants

A few success stories from City of Hope’s transplant program – Remember the Anissa Ayala story from 1991?

I am doing what I can to get ready for Anita’s stem cell transplant. So far, much of my effort has been toward exaustively cleaning our house. When Anita comes home after her SCT, it is important that the house be as clean as possible. With two dogs and a busy life, our house has a ways to go until it means the cleanliness guidelines recommended by the NMDP (National Marrow Donation Program).

It will be great for Anita to be home, but I also know it will be difficult because of all the things she will want to do, but shouldn’t, because of her condition. Anita was trying to explain to me today that she wants to help clean the house when she gets home and that it will be fine “with her mask on.” Oh well, it will be tough to change her mind so I am trying to make sure everything is clean before she gets here.

It’s time for an APL specific Information and Support site – calling all APL survivors

Hello APL Survivors,

Let’s work together to build an Information and Support website for AML type M3.

I think APL is unique enough to warrant this type of resource.

sunrise silhouette of a person with arms raisedThere is extensive information on the web about APL but most of it is scattered widely in a low density format across various discussion forums and of course many scientific articles. The problem is that there isn’t a well organized resource for APL that tries to tie much of it together.

The LLS forums are a fantastic resource and I am not looking to replace the LLS forum for APL patients and caregivers. I have turned to the LLS forums many times throughout my 5 year experience as a caregiver for my wife’s APL and they have been invaluable.

coupleI was inspired to setup the site through Anita’s experience with APL. I believe there is an opportunity here to extend Anita’s experience with APL toward helping others with this difficult disease. Anita’s story will be a part of the site but over time I would like to see the site become more generalized.

Their isn’t much on the site yet but that can change quickly. Usually the approach with this type of blog based site is to start accumulating content, perhaps within some loosely defined categories, then work to organize and refine the content along the way.

The site is up and running right now at,

http://www.baysidenetworks.com/aplblog/

If you would like to post an article, please click the “login” link in the upper right hand corner of the site and register an account for yourself. You can post content right away. Anything you post will go to the top of the site and will be visible for everyone right away.

I have already registered the domain name – aplblog.org and will be moving the site to that address within a few days.

Over time, with your help, this could become an extensive site with a lot of APL related resources and information.

You are welcome to post any APL related story or information – to begin with I think it might make sense to get as many “survivor stories” posted as possible, with any details regarding your treatment that you might like to share along with any comments on how APL changed your life. Post what you like though – this is your forum for APL.

Let’s work together to help APL patients and caregivers with this new resource.

My email address is chris@baysidenetworks.com. I am happy to help with editing articles or assist in any other way that might be needed toward building the site with your help.

Chris

How you can help

** Many of my friends and clients have asked how they can help. Here are a few ideas…

* Donate blood and or platelets. When Anita was treated in 2002 she needed a few blood product transfusions and it is very simple – each time she received blood it saved her life. Would you like to save a life? Donate blood.

* Pay attention to your own health. Urge your family members to do the same.

* Donate to the health related cause of your choice. Some of my favorites include the: